You

Where were you dearest loved,

In this desolation,

When you're suppose to hold,

And comfort me admist the pain,

In times when you're needed.

Why did you fill me in,

With deceit and deprivation.

I was lost and insecure,

By this new found isolation,

Throughout my entire life,

How could I carry on,

When you were always there,

Telling to myself in desperation.

I found God on the corner of my room,

I'm just someone who wants attention,

Yet you still live in your dream,

Without a care for my affection

Instinct told me this,

I was better off without you.

This is for my parents.The fuck they care about my broken toe and my studies.One can talk about forgiveness and love but to how far can this go on. I have been forgiving for far too long for them to realize their mistake no more. With all the shit that happens in the world, I should have known that my parent's would never learn from what they've done wrong and I should have grown up from my bubble a long time ago. Even with SPM dawning, I was still forced on labor duty cleaning and looking after the house.

I'm 17 and don't I deserve to focus on my freaking studies? Am I asking too much just to stop the chores until the exams are over? Frankly, I have learned well enough to take care the shit out of myself in knowing how to upkeep the hygiene of one place. Thanks for that but do you have to force me to do these things every so often until you have neglected your sole duty as responsible parent as well ? To all those parents out there, give your child a break. Being tough on them does not mean anything unless there is a point in it. Im sick and tired of being their motherfucking maid all the time. You know what. Fuck my parents. Why the hell do I even bother to grace their good side. They can piss off anytime they want.

The fuck parents care about their child until the day comes when they are missing. Sometimes I even want to run away from this son of a bitch house.I freaking mad right now because I came to know how shallow they really were. Did they do anything about my broken toe when I showed it to them? Hell no, in fact my bitch mom told me that it was broken just as a "sarcasm". Don't take it personally while reading this because this is only meant for my parents. And one wonders why the hell teenagers run away.It is not because of lack or responsibilities or even study stress.One main factor is about the negligence of parents. Ask one of the teenagers that you see on the streets and almost all of them would agree.In fact, I want to join them just to run away from this hell hole I've been living in.

My awkward moment was ...

23rd October 2011 was the day my dear friend of mine(Lets call her A) decided to take a spin on her brother's Myvi after passing her driving test."No" was what I should have said but instead, I too got excited for her so much so that I decided to be her side kick and passenger in the front seat. I should have known that there was going to trouble from the start when a mishap happened with the gears before we were even out of the gate.On the way,we felt like being stalked by another car behind us.As we drove out into the bustling road near a row of shops, the speed was supposedly too immense for her to handle. She had trouble with the clutch and the car stalled many times in the middle of the road. Even a 90 degree turn was hard enough without the car stalling in the middle of the road all the time. I knew that we weren't going really fast because when I saw the speedometer, it was 20km/hr at tops. I could literally see people walking faster than us while staring at me as if I was the one responsible for driving the car.Even driver's that pass by the car looked at me and although they didn't show it, I knew that they were about to burst rolling on the floor,laughing. Somehow, I knew that I was probably going to be one of their topics of the day to laugh at.

We went to Save Mart and bought some grocery to stock up into A's refrigerator and while she was oblivious to the stare's of people, I just felt a shot of decrease in my already depraved self-esteem. The journey back to A's place wasn't as bad as the first time she drove out. Then again, the car began to vibrate all of a sudden and we had to make a pull over in front of OUR SCHOOL. Luckily it was on a weekdays and school was out.Even so, we still could see driver's looking at us with our P license sign at the back of the car during the stall.We managed to restart the car and drove ever so carefully and slowly back to the house.Then, it was all over again at 7.30 when the time came for us to head out to our other friend's party.We had to pick up another friend(Now let's call her K) as well before heading out to that party.I thought to myself, great another victim to succumb to my best friend's bad driving skills.Going to a friend's house meant that we had to pass by a security guard house. Seeing 3 crazy ladies laughing in the car while driving ruthlessly, I guess that he thought he could give it a try to flirt with us. Fortunately, A drove ahead managing to cut off with him. Ironically, because our friend's house is straight ahead, our friends could see how the car was zigzagging IN A STRAIGHT road .Nevertheless, we made it out of that death contraption. By 10 when we had to leave, we buckled up and drove back home but with more confident by now.Although, in the middle of it, we realized why the road was pitch black.The car light wasn't switched on. All in all, A's driving wasn't so bad as long as we get out of the car in one piece. I was lucky just to escape with a bruise in my confidence in driving.

Prepaid :D

Since this will most probably be my last post before SPM , I'm going to blog a lot. This is like the prepaid system :) and since picture is worth a thousand words , I have a few thousand words here ;) teehee.

i want this :D

hee :)

sorry, i find this funny ahahaha.

and my favourite. which is why it is larger ahaha! pacman :v

P.S. some of these photos are from facebook while the rest are from tumblr :) don't sue me for copyright:( okaybye :D

Hsien

Every little things :)

Hello! Its been a while since I last blogged. It is good that Li Sim blogs :) Ahaha, I actually forgot my password :/ I remembered it today, so I'm blogging now :)

I'm going to sum up everything in point form okay? :)

1. 29.07.2011 . Had a barbecue party at Jeanne's house to celebrate her birthday along with kelly's ! :D Somehow they celebrated mine too:) 2 months early ahaha.

Chocolate ice cream cake :D

all of us :) teehee

michelle and i ! :D ahaha, yes we were eating on the floor :)

barbecued marshmallow ♥

the rest of the photos are in facebook :) teehee. ilovethesepeople ♥

2. 20.08.2011 . Had Taekwondo AGM :)

Cake:D

Old B.O.D :)

Thanks Taekwondo, for making me the person I am today :)

3. 24.09.2011 and 25.09.2011 . Went for scholarship interviews in Sunway University College and Taylor's College. I said something really stupid in Sunway's interview. Well, at least i was being honest.. sigh . Taylor's interview wasn't really pleasant thanks to something. Nevertheless, it is quite an experience I guess :)

4. 29.09.2011 . Ahaha! It's my 17th birthday :D It is the last day of exam as well. Celebrated with yenlin, yi chin, li hui and shu ting. I didn't take any pictures since it was after school and I don't bring cameras to school ;) ahaha! Thanks for all the wishes and gifts. iloveallofyou ♥ teehee:)

Hsien

Give it a try

Hey,there. I'm going to stop blogging for awhile to focus on my studies.Hopefully I will be back as soon as examinations are over. I will continue to enjoy life as I go on. No matter what the happenings will be, I will give it a try to smile at every moment that comes along.In this crazy, bewilderment, weird, strange, and surprising world we live in, I want to have every moment every second ever minute every breath that I take to live as full as I can. Part of the poem from Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

***

I shall be telling with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence

Two roads diverged in a wood and I

I took the one less traveled by

And that has made all the difference.

Addiction

Something that everyone HAS.

Definition : Whether is more towards the positive or negative, can't deny the cravings for something you love.

Every time I see an article on "How to control your addiction", sure everyone wants to stop at some point. Doesn't mean that giving yourself motivation and instantly cutting the craves is going to help ease it any further. I don't think that a once and for all stop is going to cut out for people that really are into it.For me, the most common place of all things to be engross with is of course non other than the internet.

Like now. Seriously, supposed to be "studying time " but ended up with this.At least I'm able to curb my "online" time to 1 hour less per day. It used to be worse before. Back then, internet time would be like an endless infinite hour. It was like day and night does not matter as long as I got what I needed online.Like smokers to cigarettes, I was hooked.

WAS

To get this far, I had some help from family members.Being a stubborn teen, of course I wouldn't even dream of asking my parents.I had help from cousins.Then, I set a reality check.For people that are still currently having national examinations, that can be done easily. Set the schedule for the national examinations in front of your study desk everyday.Finally, I would usually give myself little treats or deserving breaks in between for my well rewarded curbing of my addictions.Although I still am online, I manage to cut down just as other people that are NOT there yet but getting SOMEWHERE .

=)

I want to be like her

Someday in life, we would usually come across people that we want to be. Want to be to the extent that we would do anything to look or even reach up to their level. Be it in terms of beauty or intelligence , no matter how hard you want to deny, the fact is there. Truth is, I would even man up to strongly say I too have some people that I really want to be. Being in an academically prioritized society, I know what's it like to see other people while I still held back. Still the last person to finish the race. Still the nobody. But then I realized, I don't mind being the last. If I don't pass my O-level, I don't care. Where ever life takes me, I will accept it full-heartedly.

Of course, this doesn't mean that I gave up on my studies. This just means that I will try my best and if my best doesn't cut it, then I will gladly accept the results that I solely deserve. Right now, studying to the point of breaking every inch of my soul, I want to break away from this solitude and find solace for myself.I want to free myself.From the chains that bear me down, let me be free. Now, I want to let loose and work hard but knowing what limits my body can handle.

Chemistry

I love chemistry . The reason is because in chemistry you can learn so much more about life if you would just see the subtle hints they are showing to you ;) For example, collision theory on the rate of reaction topic.

Roller Coaster

How many time have we compared ourselves to the roller coaster ? Actually, what even makes us compare our lives to a roller coaster? Why do we sometimes see the ups and downs depict what we have lived through?

Sometimes, when people say that their lives are like the ups and downs of roller coaster,I have always felt like lives can also be the people riding the roller coaster.

No matter how many times the turn in life, we would always go through it even if forced to. The thrills we shall always have in breaking the boundary life builds against us.Holding us back from finishing the ride.When we have finished the game of life, no matter what the odds are, so what if we just had a 180 degree turn ? We just passed a 360 degree turn. I want people to not compare themselves to the machine that once thought to be such "symbol" in life. I want them to say "You know what.Yes my life sure have been a roller coaster but I chose to be the person riding the roller coaster and I experienced each twist and turn with much anticipation and got through it even if it costed me a few barfing or so.Know that I chose what life throws at me and I made it out through my own way."